Thursday, 30 July 2009

I'm Back

Whoot! I'm back and feeling much better now that I have had the chance to sort things out in my head once and for all. Thanks everyone for your supportive comments and patience. Here's to looking forward, with Lughnasadh coming this weekend I've been planning what to do with Beth, we are going to make some bread, something she has been bugging me about doing for a while now, as well as making some gingerbread men to celebrate the first harvest.

I love this time of the year, my plants are abundant with cucumbers and tomatoes at the moment and my Grandad has an allotment so we are never out of fresh veg now. It's weekly deliveries of potatoes, carrots, beans, cabbages among others not to forget my personal favourite - beetroot. If anything I find it hard to get through most of what I'm given, but it is so much better tasting than 'shop bought' not to mention a hell of a lot cheaper.

I've been 'creating' again all of a sudden too....it comes from being more settled in my mind. When I find peace things just click into place, I find inspiration and motivation, I start dreaming well and my psychic abilities start to soar again, moulding into my everyday existence instead of being something I have to work at and specifically consult. I have even been motivated to do something I haven't done sine my college years....write. In fact I have the outlines for three books in my mind, though one in particular seems to have taken root ahead of the others and I have been finding myself swept away with my musings as I go about my daily business. This seems to be taking effect at the most inappropriate times, but has also helped me to ease a lot of my tensions.

I seem to be babbling on about goodness knows what, a sure fire sign that things are, at least in my mind, more resolved. Will be posting some new pics soon of how my veggie plants are doing outside and of my most recent creations.

Love and light x

Thursday, 23 July 2009

Still Trying to Sort Things Out.....

Do you ever feel like the gods/the universe/fate or whatever is trying to force your hand?

I think that's me at the moment and I am more than a little reluctant to do what it seems to be pushing me towards. I just don't know if I'm strong enough. It's so hard because half of me is trying to listen to my heart and the other half of me is trying to listen to my head. Surprise, surprise, they are both heading in different directions and there really is no middle ground. I think this is the cause for all my current problems right now and I can't figure out where I stand in all this.

Another huge part of me has been trying to use every avoidance tactic I know to escape the issue, something I know better than to do but at least now I'm coming to understand why I've been doing it. This is a relatively new revelation, or rather the fact I'm accepting it is. I'm scared, plain and simple, just scared because whatever I choose to do will have big repurcussions in more than just my life and whichever path I decide on it's going to be hard and very different. I suppose you could say I'm at one of those life crossroads, things just won't be the same again and I wish I didn't have to choose what to do.

I know this isn't going to be making any sense because I haven't been blogging about the problems I've been having (and I probably won't any time soon - let's just say it's complicated), but for my own sanity I just had to get my thoughts out there. Hopefully this weekend will afford me some time to do some thorough soul searching and come to some sort of decision, I think for my own peace of mind I'm going to have to find a conclusion and soon as every day more and more things keep coming up, constant reminders of the need to move forward, stern proddings that I've had enough time to just deliberate and clutch at straws. Beth is going away to stay at my mum and dad's for a few days and though I'll have the baby still here it will give me a lot of free time to really tackle the situation. Avoidance is no longer an option.

Friday, 3 July 2009

Sorry

This is first to apologize for my lack of posting recently, a lot has been going on and secondly to just say that I won't be posting for a while because of personal reasons that I need to get sorted. I didn't want to leave you all thinking that I'd given up blogging, I just need to take a break and sort some things out.

Hopefully I'll be back soon x